To Darkness

You are something that has added more character to my indulgence in any activity I have done.

I have loved the feeling when my eyes have lost their focus into you. Staring in your voids, I have seen faces of people I have lost and people I would have won. I have seen nebulous distinctions of faces long forgotten delineate into clear features and sharply demarcated contours.

You have compounded my involvement in any activity, intensified the auditory sense, amplified the subtle luxury of tactile sensations, tested my spatial visualizations and laid bare the incoherence of my five senses.

In darkness I have had many a thoughtless nights, and many a thoughtful nights sitting huddled into a corner staring at the bright rays of light slashing through the chinks in the door. 

In motion at a high speed, I have spent hours staring outside at the distant flickering lights. Walking along roads lined with whirring vehicles with trailing headlights, my brain has tried to come in rhythm with the sinusoidal sounds of cars passing by. Running along the beach on a breezy night, I have seen myself too tired to process anything but the wheezing sound of air trying hard to get to my lungs. 

I have enjoyed surrendering my reality to your realm of nothingness stretching far and wide, where my imagination has run free like a soaring bird and where my thought process has taken a pause after a long engagement in drudgery. 

I know that if all else fails, you will be the one that will exist.

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Of loneliness and little thrills

[This post stands out of the common theme most of my other blog posts follow and is nothing more than negative, egocentric gibberish meant to vent out a little bit of frustration.]

Loneliness gnaws at my head, and the relentless ferocity of it rankles me. I hate and regret how a seemingly harmless habit of seeking a bit of solitude devolved into a curse of chronic loneliness. I hate how I have spent the prime years of my life depreciating myself with self hate, which grated my confidence and brought me a good deal of frustration absolutely needlessly. 

People are ever ready to give their cents on whatever they are good at, but it's not the nicest feeling in the world when you lose the basic faculty of speaking and looking like normal like a majority of people do. The only things you get to hear about yourself are negative. These things aside, there are a few moments and a few activities which give me that kick of joy under any circumstance.

Waking up after a long siesta to the brilliant masterpiece by Edward Shearmur transports you to another world. It calms down the process of your getting your bearings. Those few moments when your mind is blank, and when all it has to process is the auditory sensation that this piece creates, are so full of energy and focus that they enable you not to let any of the mundane activities around hit you. It takes you to a place where you are powerful, righteous, unregretful and happy.

In the evenings after an intensive run or a workout which usually consists little more than lots of push-ups, when your body is so tired you can't do anything, lying in the bed in the dark room is another feeling you can only enjoy. In a couple of minutes you fall half asleep, and in the state of grogginess you feel as if your body is floating.

Sadly, I don't have any other thing that gives me a feeling of joy on a regular basis. Quoting Travis from Taxi Driver 'All my life needed was a sense of someplace to go. I don't believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention. I believe that someone should become a person like other people.' The only reason I am jotting it down is that I can't ignore it anymore and that writing is therapeutic for me. Holding it in and writhing in it's plight is of no help. Extrication is the key to calm.

I saw this movie (Taxi Driver) when I was in college. Lame as it may sound, I identified myself a lot with the protagonist. I found things in common with the character eerily which are rather uncommon in people. This is also a movie with one of the best quotes.

Quoting another of my favorites from this movie (and which sums up the last ten years of my life to _some_ extent) 'Loneliness has followed me my whole life. Everywhere. In bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, everywhere. There's no escape. I'm God's lonely man.'

Caught in the labyrinth walled by my own delusions and negativity, I can only wait to leave this place. They say that brain is plastic - that it can be fashioned into something totally different. I hope this fact exists beyond just theory. I need new people in a new place. It about time. 

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Cycling: Singapore to Desaru and back

A friend of mine and I went cycling to Desaru where we stayed overnight, and backtracked the next morning. Over a period of two days, we cycled around 120 kms at a slow pace. 

The plan and the partner
My original motive behind this trip was to give my legs a muscle shock by cycling a long distance at a fast pace without much practice. It's a fast and effective way of building durability and strength. I (unintentionally) did this when I did my impromptu first half marathon, with having run no more than six kilometers before, and clocked a decent timing of 2:05:35. I invited my friend who also shares my sense of adventure and fitness to come along, and he readily nodded. He is big and powerful, and has above average stamina.
             But his slothful patootie took over him when he put his foot down and said that he would take the whole damn thing easy and enjoy the nature, the sea breeze, the beach and the mountains. We weren't speaking the same language, but he had a point - the route is scenic and worth taking a few breaks. And it's fun to have a funny guy like him along, so with a gasp and a few swear words I agreed to take it slow. Well, my muscles never got the shock but my butt definitely did!

Highway J52: A couple of kilometers from Pengerang. The beach was inundated as it was high tide.

The Route

Singapore (Changi ferry terminal) -> Pengerang (Malaysia) in a small ferry:
Typical waiting time is two hours and the journey takes another hour. There's no queue at Pengerang ferry terminal when coming back to Singapore.

Pengerang -> Desaru on a bicycle:
Highway J52 to Sungei Rengit (~ 16 kms), highway J92 to Desaru (~ 35 kms). J52 runs along the beach and is more or less level. J92 has moderate traffic with vehicles buzzing past at high speed. Another route (highway J90) from Sungei Rengit to Desaru runs along the beach and, from what we heard, has less traffic and slightly bad road.

Getting the bikes

We didn't have bikes. We rented bikes for two days from a rental shop in Pasir Risk Park on the same day and cycled to the ferry terminal. They didn't look like racing bikes from any angle but were far better than hefty MTBs. We cycled from Pasir Risk Park to Changi Ferry Terminal using the PCN for most of the part. Distance - 7 kms

Level of toughness

Pengerang to Sungei Rengit is a cakewalk since the road is level. The highway connecting Sg Rengit to Desaru is a continuous string of uphills and downhills which makes the ride challenging. When we cycled, there was constant wind blowing against us but that's a conditional thing. Coming back was much easier since the wind favored us.

Taking a break

We had our first stop at Sungei Rengit - a small coastal town with many restaurants and hotels, where we had lunch. Most people living here are Chinese. The road from Sg Rengit to Desaru passes through green mountains, palm forests and nothing else. Make sure you are hydrated and have enough resources before you leave Sg Rengit. We only found a small restaurant about 5 kms before Desaru  and it was the first sign of human civilization after Sg Rengit.

Public beach

This bit is unverified, but there is a public beach about 1.5 kms after Desaru Damai resort - a run down badly maintained resort we stayed in. You are allowed to camp at the public beach overnight.

Highway J92 - Sg Rengit to Desaru

The ride back...
... was awesome! It was raining hard when we began, and we had to take shelter under a bus stand for about twenty minutes. We then cycled in drizzle and cool wind which was an experience. Contrary to our expectations, we were much faster. We hardly had any Malaysian Ringgits. We took a stopover in Sg Rengit again, exchanged currency and had lunch in the same place as the previous day.

How tiring is it

If you cycle at a slow pace (~15 - 20 kmph), it's not very tiring. We had hardly done any cycling before, but both of us were reasonably fit guys. We cycled all the way on non-racing bikes without getting tired but ended up with really sore butts!

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Running after a hiatus

Running at ECP has been one of my most favorite activities in Singapore. Running along the beach, where cacophony of the city gets absorbed in the vastness of sea, is probably one of the best feelings you can never get tired of. There's something magical about being in motion, the dynamism of which lifts up your spirits and alleviates your worries. There is something liberating in the openness of the area and vastness of the sea. A combination of both gives you a kick that can only be imagined. 

When I run, I don't look around at the people playing at the beach or cycling on the road. My eyes stay focused on the track as I thread my way through fellow runners or strollers. But the ambiance does contribute significantly to my spirit and motivation. 

Today was the first time in 2013 I ran at ECP. No doubt I was excited. And the evening was particularly beautiful. Dark clouds loomed overhead but the western edge of the sky had cleared up as the sun was setting. So the evening was a little darker with western part of the horizon strikingly effulgent. The surroundings had assumed a cerise tinge which added to the crepuscular charm. 

I ran against, and then in the direction of wind. The relatively long break from running did not affect my speed at all. I ran the same distance I run every time. Maybe it was the ambiance, or maybe it was the feeling of familiarity I got to relish after months of soggy life at desk.

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China trip #2

Occasion: One of my friends' wedding

Continuing my last post on China, here are a few more conclusions about China coupled with less bitter and more sweet experiences.

How this trip was different: It was hardly touristy. I went to a small town in a somewhat remote location. Insulated from the touristy hubbub, the town is ensconced in a valley of the Wuyi mountain range. Due to its secluded spot, it gets the luxury of cleaner air and water. I also did a few other things in a more 'Chinese' way.

The shady side: People trying to trick you into overpriced stuff. At Guangzhou airport, I was driven out of the airport by an intimidating man in uniform who kept insisting that I couldn't spend the whole night in the airport. It was only after he forced me to sit in a van which was ready to take me a a 'cheap' hotel that I realized he was nothing more than a broker. After firmly saying no, and telling him clearly I would rather spent the night outside the airport under the open sky than go to a hotel, he gave up and allowed me back into the airport. One of my friends whom I met at the wedding unfortunately fell for the nasty Shanghai 'tea scam'. 

What's not cheap in China: Public transport. Bus and train fares are fairly high. The trains are clean and well maintained, but the buses are just about as dirty and uncomfortable as in countries like Indonesia or India. But the fares are high! Food and accommodation are cheap.

NOT staying in a backpackers hostel: Hospitality of the hotel staff makes the stay pleasant. A backpackers hostel almost always comes with an added convenience of English speaking receptionists who will help you in everything from planning a trip to booking a ticket. For the first time I stayed in a hotel where English was as alien as the vanishing Bikya language. The staff could hardly speak any English but was super friendly and very willing to help me. I was smattering Mandarin, and the staff would soon resort to using an online translator whenever I gave up on my spotty knowledge of Mandarin. The most important thing to remember is such hostels have no signboard in English. You will find their English names while booking online through well known sites like hostelworld or agoda but in reality they are just literal translations of their Chinese names which occupy the outer walls or billboards of the city. Always note the Chinese name and the address of the place.

Chinese hospitality: I have oft repeated the welcoming and curious nature of Chinese people. During my sojourn in the small hill town, I was touched by the warmth, energy and willingness of people to ensure our well being. The way they treat guests and their endearing hospitality is yet another similarity to India.

Curiosity about India: It's kind of rare to find an Indian very interested in China's daily affairs and the culture. But it's not rare to find a Chinese person very interested about India. I met a guy who did punting on the Jiuqu Xi (Nine Bends river in Wuyi mountains). In spite of having a low income and limited access to media, he had seen a couple of Indian movies, knew about the latest gang-rape case in Delhi and had (rightly) formed a notion of India's lopsided outlook against women in society. In Guangzhou, I met a girl who read a lot about Indian culture, knew about Gandhi and had even tried vegetarianism for a while (she had to give it up as it was something very hard for her). Another lady in Guangzhou asked me why Indian men just explode after a certain age and why I was so thin and not fat (I told her I ran regularly). On my way to Nanchang, I met a soldier who worked in the PLA. He and my friend (who had no knowledge of Mandarin) kept conversing with the help of on-the-run translation using smartphones. After my friend went to bed, the guy came to me, handed me his second smartphone as I didn't have one, and started a mute conversation with me. He was a soldier in a communist army. But he answered yes when I asked him "Should democracy be introduced in China?". We reached Nanchang at about midnight. He made sure that we went to our respective destinations safely; he bargained for us, saw us off and gave each of us his as well as police's contact before departing. 

Site specific tips/trivia:

Bamboo rafting at Wuyishan: A must do. Winter is probably not the best time to do it, but the surroundings are just beautiful. I did it in Jan when the temperature was almost zero, and by the end of the trip my jaw had gone numb. Nevertheless it was all worth it! I didn't get a chance to hike but the place has got some amazing mountains and hiking trails.

Guangzhou: It's a massive urban jungle that sits pompously beside other urban behemoths Shenzhen and Hong Kong. There is not much to do in this city and it's similar to Singapore in more ways than one. After Beijing and Shanghai, it is the third largest city in China, but it has mingled with Shenzhen and formed a massive mega-city. Like in Shanghai, most (young) people can speak English and the city is equipped with an efficient metro system. For reasons I could not fathom, the city is even more expensive than Shanghai, which in turn is more expensive than Beijing. Canton Tower is quite a sight during nighttime! But you have to dip in your savings to go up the tower.

Speaking Mandarin: Before I conclude, I want to share the amazing feeling of empowerment you get when in an alien land, you converse in an alien language and get by :)

I flagged down a cab, negotiated and went to the airport without using any sign language. I swapped seats in the train with another guy to sit with my friend. I had numerous very small chit-chats with people in and around the airports in Nanchang and Guangzhou. All in mandarin. And that's an amazing feeling!

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Govind Nihalani: An unsung hero of Indian Cinema

A majority of movies that Indian cinema churns out are just pathetic. Many of them are stereotypical flicks which only tow the line. Most superstars rise to fame with movies that employ little more than tawdry action sequences and threadbare dialogues. There is a huge audience for such movies, and the movie makers happily pander to the demand. 

Mani Ratnam and Anurag Kashyap are some of the few names that shine in the dust. But there is one person - extremely talented - whose entire array of movies is adorned by nominations for, and in most cases has been awarded, the prestigious National Film Award, and yet is an unknown name to most people. The guy's name is Govind Nihalani.

It really appalling how such a great movie maker is unknown to most people of this country. I do prefer non-masala flicks and generally rely on nominations for National Film Awards to know about the good movies which the audience doesn't care to appreciate. And that's how I bumped into his name. 

His movies are a bold slap on malfunctioning and corrupt Indian machinery and the ills of society. He gifted us gems like Aakrosh, Ardh Satya and Tamas. Almost every film of his has won at least one National Award. After a hiatus of about ten years he came back with Hazaar Chauraasi Ki Maa which, again, won a National Award. And this was the time when Directorate of Film Festivals used to put a genuine effort to recognize and award good movies (last time I heard a farcical movie named Dabangg was given this prestigious award). Even his lesser known movies have something daring, visionary and innovative. 

This is a tribute to a man truly ahead of his time. 

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Grid Space

Grid Space is a collection of 41 mathematical puzzles aimed at people having knowledge of high school geometry. It consists of geometric puzzles, graph puzzles and logic puzzles.

Puzzles can be graded from easy to hard but they are not ordered in a definite manner. They can be broadly categorized into following categories -
- Identification of mathematical shapes
- Triangle properties
- Circle properties
- Quadrilateral properties
- Visualization
- Logic
- Graph

There are four demo puzzles to give the user an idea of how to approach the problems. 

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dCrypt - Support URL

dCrypt is an innovative app for learning Mandarin characters. 

It uses logic, character background and etymology to make the learning as logical and easy as possible. 

Different sets of puzzles will train your mind to understand and analyze characters. 

- You will learn how characters combine to form new meanings. 

- You will get acquainted with different patterns visible in Chinese characters. 

- You will see how different components acquire different meanings depending on the context.

The best part is all the characters have been presented as puzzles that you will be decrypting based on given hints.

The app teaches traditional Chinese characters but in fact a lot of characters included here remain the same in simplified Chinese.

Total number of characters: 342.

I will add more features to it in future if the response is good. Please leave your comments and rate the app. Thanks.

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My Ivory Tower

I would often wake up in middle of the night purely out of excitement - excitement that had lost its cause in obscurity. The feeling was intense - my heart would throb heavily, my body would be taken over by a feeling of sprightly restlessness and I would feel this strong urge to involve myself in some activity. I almost always read a book or began to write something down on a piece of paper. I would calm down after about thirty minutes or occasionally one hour; my circadian rhythm would get back into action and make me sleepy again.

It was a prelude to my bipolarity spreading out to the extremes; and I am so glad it began on a high note. I knew something was slightly abnormal, but the feeling was good and I just let the chips fall where they may. I didn't have a strong social or philosophical bent of mind. My thought process was unilateral - I just did what I liked to do. 

Most of the time I felt as if a thrill of restive energy had shot through my body. It just wouldn't let up. Every single second I was awake, I was constantly in action. I was always learning something new. 

Languages:

I loved learning new languages. I learnt a bit of French from my dad's book 'French Made Easy'. I learnt how to read Russian (and basic Russian greetings). I polished up whatever Kannada I had learnt during my days in Bangalore and picked up a bunch of other Indian languages reading the multilingual leaflets that came with most of PnG or HUL products. I could only read the text in these languages without comprehending anything, but even doing this bit slaked my desire to a certain extent. 

[Ironically, I couldn't continue with either of these languages later on and learnt some totally different languages.]

Ambidexterity:

I was born left-handed, but could always use my right hand better than a right-handed person can use their left hand. After about three years of practice, I had become fairly ambidextrous. I could write, brush my teeth, bowl and do a few other unnoticeable activities using my right hand. This faculty of using hands also exposed me to certain observations I had never noticed before - i) the right shoulder of right handed people is wider. It is clearly evident in case of bowlers who have to use one hand a lot more; ii) right handed people can't turn their neck as far to the left  as they can to their right, and if you catch them sleeping on their stomach their neck will probably be turned to the right.

Fitness:

I loved running in the dark, but my hometown was too unsafe to run alone quite early in the morning or after sunset, so I would practice stair climbs followed by a fixed number of sit-ups in my home (but I totally sucked at running, and my stamina was comparable to that of a crow-bait). I loved football, so the evenings were reserved for honing my dribbling and juggling skills (I was and still am really good at this, but it didn't make me a good player at all FYI). My fitness was very very low, but I was VERY passionate about it. 

[I have made considerable progress on this front in the last couple of years.]

It was at this point that I cultivated a passion for writing, and my appetite to study the coursework whetted considerably. I felt most emotions in extremes. My hobbies were more like my obsessions. Despite living in a constant edgy state of excitement I was extremely disciplined, and my daily schedule was as predictable as clockwork.

Social flop:

My social life was a dismal bust. My involvement with society and friends plummeted rapidly as my indulgence in my own set of activities increased. I was already an unsocial guy and much to the disappointment of my parents it was getting worse day by day. There was days when I barely felt the need to talk to anyone. I was captivated in my own universe full of delusions and ambitions, fueled by tons of raw energy. I always ribbed social conventions, niceties and use of informal chit chat or formal exchange of greetings. It was perhaps this distaste for societal elements that I made my first conscious attempt to escape mediocrity. I (wrongly) thought I had been successful to a certain extent.

Today:

As I mentioned I was a social flop. I had never imagined this single shortcoming would later overshadow all my skills, all my passions and whatever I stood for. Maybe that's an overstatement. But it certainly has to some extent dwarfed the creative side of mine. If I confess, I never thought I would ever feel the urge to become social and outgoing again. I thought life would continue running on a high note, but that phase turned out to be just an extended crest of the sinusoidal ride I had embarked on. 

Nine years on, occasionally overwhelmed by an overdose of foresightedness, confusion, failures, foundering career, competition, proving yourself, lack of direction and most importantly lack of a social life that I now wish for, I very often pine for those days when all I had was an unusual amount of raw energy, leading a life  which was simplified by lack of social wisdom, my blinkered outlook and unhindered focus on what I wanted to do. With my expectations and reality wide asunder, I sometimes hope I could get back into that state of mind again; that I could go back to my ivory tower again.

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Walking the crater rim: Gunung Batok

This is one of the more adrenaline pumping activities I have done. The rim is really narrow, and whatever horizontal base you initially have disappears at times. It's slightly risky at some points. You have to be surefooted and focused, and must have no fear of heights. For most of the walk, the fall into the crater is really steep with no obstacles in between. But once you reach the diagonally opposite side, it becomes much less steeper and pretty much safe to walk. 

Once you reach the opposite side, you also get to see stunning views of a valley that is otherwise hidden from public view, and a long chain of mountains. Here is a video to give you an idea of how steep the inner side is (you need not care about the outer side since if you fall you will end up on one of the sand dunes and not some crater), and how it looks like to a bystander. FYI that's not my video and it's not me in the video.

Here is a video I took while walking on the rim and it will give you a faint idea of how it feels walking on the rim. This is the valley I was talking about and the views you are rewarded with once you climb up the peak bang opposite the point of entry.

I backtracked the path since the other half was tougher and required more time to cover, and we were pressed for time. 

Some pics of the same follow -

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