So long 2019

A summary of highlights of 2019 reads pretty optimistic on surface level: this year I did my first muscle-up, set up the website I'd been planning for a while and experimented with organizing meet-ups.

The year actually began on a rather low note and the first few months have few scattered moments worth remembering. It came with a realization of a possibly lifelong struggle to deal with loss and loneliness.

Many months ago I wrote this note which now, ironically, carries a therapeutic overtone:

How does one shake off this ominous feeling of presentiment of an impending doom? The feeling of living under a ramshackle roof where every now and then you can hear another slip or a crack. Every instance stirs up a vision that one day the roof will collapse on you. 

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However, the year also marked some amazing multiple-day hikes in Taiwan, in particular the one to Qilai East Ridge. It is one of the most stunning hikes I have done. And watching Sambar deer in the wild was an amazing experience.

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It also marked a significant jump in my fitness level. Doing a muscle up had been on my list for years and I felt elated the first time I did it. A minor shoulder dislocation hampered the progress but while I am still nursing the injured shoulder, I still try it once in a while to keep the muscle memory intact. 

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While rewarding physically, I miserably failed on the emotional front. Latent feelings of disconnect with people and an inability to forge strong relationships resurfaced. As much as I am aware of their falsehood, I have pretty much resigned to an occasional backsliding into negative emotions.

I can only hope that the next year brings a little more joy. So long 2019.