This is how this year began:
I spent the new year camping in a wild hot spring (梵梵溫泉) near Yilan with a couple of friends.
12/25/20
To the ten-years-ago self
[End of October 2010] Your six week stay in London just came to an end. You are on your way back to Singapore and you are not looking forward to it. However you feel quite fortunate to start your career with a cushy job in a cushy place.
- Little do you know that you will be overcome by lassitude in just a couple of years. A growing dissatisfaction with work will force you to consider alternate career paths. The idea of an MBA or continuing in banking sector sounds safe but rather unappealing. You will apply for a grad program but fail. A growing sense of uncertainty will overwhelm you, and eventually haunt you for most of your 20s. You will waste the next 5-6 years switching career paths and starting from scratch every time.
+ You have started running longer, faster and more often. For the next five years you will run a lot and write about it a lot. After about four years you will hit your (running) peak and achieve some of your running goals. After turning thirty you will start focusing on bodyweight workout and at around thirty two hit the peak of your fitness.
+ The monotony of living in Singapore will force you to travel to nearby countries in South East Asia. It will rekindle your love of mountains and hiking. Most of your happy memories for the time being are going to be associated with it. This is going to play a significant factor in deciding where you want to base yourself next.
- You have gained reputation as a loner. You enjoy spending time alone but at times suffer from bouts of loneliness. Over the next ten years these occasional bouts are going to devolve into an overbearing feeling of loneliness which will torment you constantly. Currently a long run or an intense workout makes you feel better but none of it is going to work out in future. Nothing else will work either - dating, relationships, increased social participation. You will try many a thing to get rid of it but will eventually submit to it and start to learn how to live with it.
+ Some people you will meet just for a few hours or days will leave strong impressions on you. Especially meeting S and K in Seoul. When you meet them in Seoul, you will have absolutely no idea that you will meet K again on the other side of the world after a couple of years.
+ Most of your pleasant memories are currently associated with places or things, not people. This is going to change. You will meet some beautiful souls along the way who will bring much needed fondness in your life and memories.
Personal life
- There are two kinds of feelings you are largely unaware of. But they will become an inextricable part of your life. Feelings of regret and loss.
- You have a tenuous relationship with your parents but nothing of major concern. You harbor an optimism that one day the lingering issues will disappear and you will be able create a strong bond with them. However over the next ten years this relationship is going to degrade in the way you feared but did not expect. It is going to take a severe toll on your mental health. But you will also strengthen certain aspects of your bonds with family in ways you never expected. In the end things will more or less fall in place.
Overall
+ You will quit this job after about three years under and set out traveling. Little can you image you will end up in a place so vastly different and suited to almost everything you would want. You will invest significant time and money in an endeavor of learning a new language. At this point your life will veer to a completely different direction and you will more or less find yourself settled in terms of location and career path.
Buckle up!
12/28/19
So long 2019
A summary of highlights of 2019 reads pretty optimistic on surface level: this year I did my first muscle-up, set up the website I'd been planning for a while and experimented with organizing meet-ups.
The year actually began on a rather low note and the first few months have few scattered moments worth remembering. It came with a realization of a possibly lifelong struggle to deal with loss and loneliness.
Many months ago I wrote this note which now, ironically, carries a therapeutic overtone:
How does one shake off this ominous feeling of presentiment of an impending doom? The feeling of living under a ramshackle roof where every now and then you can hear another slip or a crack. Every instance stirs up a vision that one day the roof will collapse on you.
---
However, the year also marked some amazing multiple-day hikes in Taiwan, in particular the one to Qilai East Ridge. It is one of the most stunning hikes I have done. And watching Sambar deer in the wild was an amazing experience.
---
It also marked a significant jump in my fitness level. Doing a muscle up had been on my list for years and I felt elated the first time I did it. A minor shoulder dislocation hampered the progress but while I am still nursing the injured shoulder, I still try it once in a while to keep the muscle memory intact.
---
While rewarding physically, I miserably failed on the emotional front. Latent feelings of disconnect with people and an inability to forge strong relationships resurfaced. As much as I am aware of their falsehood, I have pretty much resigned to an occasional backsliding into negative emotions.
I can only hope that the next year brings a little more joy. So long 2019.
12/30/18
So long 2018
Soon after I moved in to my current apartment about eighteen months ago, I scribbled a note and stuck it on a wall:
"It's all in your head."
It was supposed to serve as a reminder to not be affected by occasional bouts of feeling dispirited. I am not sure how much it helped me. But it sure invited some puzzled looks from people I hosted at my place. That is the only personal thing that decorates my room.
--x--x--
For a large part of my life, I found recourse in two things: running and writing. At some of my lowest points in life, I found redemption in moments of breathlessness after an intense run. I have written (quite a bit) about it. There is something soothing about expressing in words an impersonal yet intimate emotion that running brought me.
Well, I don't run that much now. And I don't write anymore. I think I resorted to writing in moments of loneliness. It slightly scares me as I go through some of the old posts here. In these posts, there always lingers a disconnect with people which I never thought I would be able to get rid of. This is what I wrote just a few years ago:
"I notice when people are down or sad or scared, they think of other people. They ring someone up. They talk. When I am down or sad or scared, I think of things to do. I go running. I make myself so tired that I lose the ability to think." (ref: Fidding with Endorphin Levels)
....
"People thought about other people. People thought about things. I just thought about things in my life."
I am (pleasantly) surprised and glad how I have been able to intersect my lives with those of others.
--x--x--
I look around at the walls in my room. Except for the ominous note mentioned above, there is no trace of anything else personal. People decorate their rooms to cherish good memories. I have always tried not to get haunted by my memories.
"My not-so-recent history is largely devoid of interactive elements.
There lies no mention of social validation, memorable moments, intimate
confessions, pep talks or adolescent curiosity. All I remember is the
intensity of things. The last thing I wanted to think about was myself." (ref: Of Winters and Mediocrity)
Ever since I wrote these thoughts down years ago, things have changed positively.
I have always tried to do everything I did to the extreme. I feel grateful for where this habit landed me today.
I feel grateful that running is no more a purgation of emotions but a celebration of life.
I feel super grateful for some beautiful people who entered into my life. I thank them for the memories which I can cherish and not try to forget.
Wherever I move next, I will probably have sweeter things to stick around on the walls than this:
12/31/16
Notes on South Korea and Hong Kong [Series: Incomplete blogs]
Days in South Korea
A mention of Korea brings to mind days of pure sunshine, breezy nights and consistently cool weather. It also brings to mind the circuitous lanes creeping up and down the hills in Itaewon, jimjilbangs and luxuriating coffee shops.
I have mostly sweet memories of it; they only get fonder with time. Sour experiences are selectively filtered out or watered down while pleasant memories get amplified. They call it rosy retrospection. But there's something to it - something unsettling, something too amorphous to be made sense of. But I will try.
HK
First impressoins: HK is very crowded - it's streets are packed with people. The subway has very long platforms and is always full of people. The magnitude of hustle and bustle here is bewildering. Buildings have old, dull and torn out facades. Apartments have tiny rooms and tinier bathrooms. It's a claustrophobic's nightmare. On top of it, accommodation is expensive as hell which is a backpacker's nightmare.
Wan Chai: The first place I visited in HK was Causeway Bay in Wan Chai on a Sunday evening. The hyperactivity of the place was overwhelming. It's streets ran in all directions without following any pattern. Crammed between these tortuous alleys were buildings donning an age old look; a plethora of neon sign boards jutting out from the walls facing these streets. No matter how dampening the exteriors were, most shops inside had swanky interiors and sold upscale items. I spent only one night here since accommodation here was more expensive than other touristy havens like Kowloon.
The Streets of Taipei [Series: Incomplete blogs]
There was nothing peculiar about that evening when the rain came lashing down. I wouldn't have gone out but I had to. Grudgingly I left home; I walked along the edge of the street barely keeping myself under the shelter of pattering tin sheets.
I am reminded of a random night in Causeway Bay, Hong Kong when I was cornered by a sudden downpour. I vividly remember the almost instant bloom of umbrellas followed by hurried footfalls. It was a weird place - I could never understand how their individuality interfaced with the society. It was loud, it was claustrophobic; yet nobody seemed to have any willingness to talk to each other.
I was in the MRT now, bound to 劍南路站。When it rained, the streets of Taipei looked like stills from a Wong-kar Wai movie. Colorful neon boards jutting out from lackluster buildings reflected off wet roads. Smoke wafting from roadside food-stalls dissolved into the droplets of water dripping off tin sheets. The road was covered with a series of reflections of headlights and streetlamps.
There was a sweet charm in getting lost in the narrow tortuous alleys of this city. The city had pockets of old neighborhoods interlaced with narrow lanes and flanked by dull facades of 公寓. These neighborhoods were the best part of this city. Every morning a swarm of chirpy little breakfast places took birth in random parts of all streets. These breakfast stalls would disappear gradually before afternoon or sometimes evening.
I reached 劍南路站。It had stopped raining and the sky had cleared up. The air smelled of earthy freshness. This place was teeming with swanky malls and upscale showrooms. A mountain guarded the view on the other side. I handed over some stuff to my friend. My next destination was 輔大 located in extreme west part of New Taipei City. I had recently started going to a bouldering gym there.
The neighborhood around 輔大 was pretty much dead in nature. Once you veered away from the highway, all noises disappeared into the stillness that reigned the place. There were no 公寓s, no cozy stalls or night markets. It was a string of large warehouses and small factories - the kind of place that seemed to lack charm.
There were unremarkable turns with badly marked addresses between badly lit, poorly managed warehouses. I took one of those turns, dodging a small pool of water and walked toward a big building with tin walls. The wonky walls of its interior were speckled with motleyed blocks. That was my place.
It was just this little place in middle of nowhere that made me love the entire neighborhood. It was as if the charm of this place was intensified by the lack of it outside. I made numerous trips to this place. I got hooked to it.
I am reminded of a random night in Causeway Bay, Hong Kong when I was cornered by a sudden downpour. I vividly remember the almost instant bloom of umbrellas followed by hurried footfalls. It was a weird place - I could never understand how their individuality interfaced with the society. It was loud, it was claustrophobic; yet nobody seemed to have any willingness to talk to each other.
I was in the MRT now, bound to 劍南路站。When it rained, the streets of Taipei looked like stills from a Wong-kar Wai movie. Colorful neon boards jutting out from lackluster buildings reflected off wet roads. Smoke wafting from roadside food-stalls dissolved into the droplets of water dripping off tin sheets. The road was covered with a series of reflections of headlights and streetlamps.
There was a sweet charm in getting lost in the narrow tortuous alleys of this city. The city had pockets of old neighborhoods interlaced with narrow lanes and flanked by dull facades of 公寓. These neighborhoods were the best part of this city. Every morning a swarm of chirpy little breakfast places took birth in random parts of all streets. These breakfast stalls would disappear gradually before afternoon or sometimes evening.
I reached 劍南路站。It had stopped raining and the sky had cleared up. The air smelled of earthy freshness. This place was teeming with swanky malls and upscale showrooms. A mountain guarded the view on the other side. I handed over some stuff to my friend. My next destination was 輔大 located in extreme west part of New Taipei City. I had recently started going to a bouldering gym there.
The neighborhood around 輔大 was pretty much dead in nature. Once you veered away from the highway, all noises disappeared into the stillness that reigned the place. There were no 公寓s, no cozy stalls or night markets. It was a string of large warehouses and small factories - the kind of place that seemed to lack charm.
There were unremarkable turns with badly marked addresses between badly lit, poorly managed warehouses. I took one of those turns, dodging a small pool of water and walked toward a big building with tin walls. The wonky walls of its interior were speckled with motleyed blocks. That was my place.
It was just this little place in middle of nowhere that made me love the entire neighborhood. It was as if the charm of this place was intensified by the lack of it outside. I made numerous trips to this place. I got hooked to it.
Cycling around Taiwan - 台灣環島 [Series: Incomplete blogs]
At about eight in the morning I left Taipei with a small backpack on my bike. Thirty minutes later, still in Taipei, I bought a helmet and a raincoat. That's all I needed for the trip. Then I cycled all the way out of the city.
I felt the freedom to move at my own pace and stop at my own will, the lightness of being in motion and the dopamine kicks of physical exertion. It was a very liberating feeling living an unrestrained yet minimalist way of life. I set out with keen senses and constant excitement.
That's how actually day one began. It however ended with anti-climactic feelings of physical exhaustion and slight disappointment with a lack of scenery as I was greeted with a string of dull townships and mundane human settlements. I rested in Miaoli (苗栗), a town located in the foothills of western Taiwan.
Sanyi (三義) is one of those towns where you can spend a lot of time doing nothing on a sunny day. The charm in its simplicity had a soothing effect. The old railway station shone proudly in the sunshine. There was just a lady with her kid waiting inside. This was in sharp contrast to the unending row of concrete erections that put me down on day one.
The best part of day one was a small detour along the western coast near Hsinzhu (新竹). I spotted windmills swirling elegantly by the sea against the backdrop of a setting sun. I watched the crisply defined silhouettes of their blades slashing the cerise rays of the sun. Their long shadows spanned the entire width of the highway.
A long, uninterrupted downslope about 5 km in length gets you to Houli (后里) from Sanyi. Floating effortlessly for such a long distance became one of the highlights of this trip.
I slept over in Taichong (台中) and Tainan (台南) - two lovely cities where I found some kind people to host me. The next day I biked to Xinzuoying (新左營) and took a train ride to Taitung (台東). A shitty weather greeted me and after a futile attempt to sleep in an open shelter, I resumed biking again.
The east coast of Taiwan is breath-taking. Every few kilometers there's a sheltered spot which offers stunning views of the ocean and the mountains.
I felt the freedom to move at my own pace and stop at my own will, the lightness of being in motion and the dopamine kicks of physical exertion. It was a very liberating feeling living an unrestrained yet minimalist way of life. I set out with keen senses and constant excitement.
That's how actually day one began. It however ended with anti-climactic feelings of physical exhaustion and slight disappointment with a lack of scenery as I was greeted with a string of dull townships and mundane human settlements. I rested in Miaoli (苗栗), a town located in the foothills of western Taiwan.
Sanyi (三義) is one of those towns where you can spend a lot of time doing nothing on a sunny day. The charm in its simplicity had a soothing effect. The old railway station shone proudly in the sunshine. There was just a lady with her kid waiting inside. This was in sharp contrast to the unending row of concrete erections that put me down on day one.
The best part of day one was a small detour along the western coast near Hsinzhu (新竹). I spotted windmills swirling elegantly by the sea against the backdrop of a setting sun. I watched the crisply defined silhouettes of their blades slashing the cerise rays of the sun. Their long shadows spanned the entire width of the highway.
A long, uninterrupted downslope about 5 km in length gets you to Houli (后里) from Sanyi. Floating effortlessly for such a long distance became one of the highlights of this trip.
I slept over in Taichong (台中) and Tainan (台南) - two lovely cities where I found some kind people to host me. The next day I biked to Xinzuoying (新左營) and took a train ride to Taitung (台東). A shitty weather greeted me and after a futile attempt to sleep in an open shelter, I resumed biking again.
The east coast of Taiwan is breath-taking. Every few kilometers there's a sheltered spot which offers stunning views of the ocean and the mountains.
10/14/16
Evolution of Indian Cities
Indian cities are not walkable. And the way they are evolving does not accommodate a thought for public spaces. The rise of megacities is driven by commercial aspirations allowing a lifestyle dedicated to indoor spaces only. Any activity assumes shape of a commercial business enclosed within concrete walls. This is specially true in case of fitness.
Walking is an activity I have heavily relied upon regardless of where I lived.
My lifestyle interlaced with cityscapes in a way that walking and running became the most common ways for me to explore neighborhoods. During my time roving in Asia, I kept myself fit with street workouts in public spaces and running through city alleys.I used to work on my laptop in public parks and street side cafes. For me, the concept of ‘home’ or indoor space got reduced to a place where I could sleep overnight and wash up before leaving the next morning.
When I set out cycling the island of Taiwan in 2014, I spent almost all my time outdoors - cycling in the day and sleeping in the night in school or temple foyers, or just in the middle of nowhere. I have the most delightful and profound memories of that time. I had become an extremely outdoorsy person, to an extent that I began to feel low-spirited when at home. During my time in Taipei, I’d go hiking almost every weekend. That was an ideal lifestyle for me - it had richness of challenging myself physically and mentally, and balance of spending time in urban spaces and nature.
All these tiny interactions that involved physical movement in city spaces came down crashing when I began to live and work in Mumbai. And then Bangalore. Any venture into outdoor space would be met by overwhelming traffic. It was surprising to see so few people walk in cities where vehicular mobility was so crippled.
Fitness, something that I have always associated with outdoors, became associated with indoor spaces (gyms and studios).
The proportion between space to sleep and space to move should stay more or less constant as a society evolves. This proportion is witnessing a wonky rise in arguably every city in India. What makes the matter worse is our cultural propensity to adapt to any deteriorating situation rather than step up and do something about it. This has given rise to a lot of very challenging problems to be solved, the most obvious being transport.
Public transport is in a shambles. The most common alternative to it is a car - something that occupies much more space per individual than any public transport. It is not a sustainable solution.
I believe the future of transport is going to be multi-modal.The way Indian cities are evolving, there is little scope for a multi-modal transport and almost no hope for green and efficient means like a bicycle. Every time I see new high rises being constructed for residential purposes on the fringes of large conurbations, I wonder how this new mass of people will move about in a space that already so choked.
What can be done? Unfortunately not much can be done without the participation of government. Creation of dedicated bicycle lanes, provision of bicycles for public use, better public transport or walkable cities - private sector can't do much without involvement of public sector. And that's what freaks me out.
4/6/16
4/5/16
Game Plan for a Streamlined Society
Objective
To contribute towards a leaner, interactive and healthier society.
Portfolio
Things I’ve made:
Written:
Approaches
a) Facilitate better learning:
- Motivating by use of Cognitive Dissonance using games as media.
- Things I've made to that effect: dCrypt, YehChina Gameroom, Game Templates
- Adding emotion to learning by using components of design and story-telling.
- Things I've made to that effect: Geometry of Korean Characters, Creative Thinking with Chinese Characters
- Enabling people to apply their skills in a broader spectrum. For instance, I made an application that introduces some grammatical errors in any piece of English text and the user has to rectify them.
- Things I've made to that effect: [Space for MyYu]
b) Create a leaner urban landscape
By a leaner urban landscape, I mean structuring a society that makes the most efficient utilization of available resources, and minimizes redundancy of physical commodities and carbon footprint.
- Resource Sharing and Downsizing One’s Belongings: People sharing their living spaces and vehicles in a step towards a society where maximum use is made of available resources without the onus of owning them. In Taiwan, open spaces belonging to schools and universities are open to public.
- Garbage Reduction by Increased Usage of Reusable Products: I see paper/plastic cups discarded everyday. Usage of disposable wooden chopsticks is a norm here. I don’t understand why reusable straws aren’t a commonplace phenomenon. I believe Industrial Design and Product Design are heavily underused and have a tremendous scope.
- Harvesting Collective Intelligence: I believe that ‘the more you know, the less you need’. I can make better decisions if I am aware of what the people around me do, possess and are willing to share with others. If I know what tools and commodities are available at my disposal in a certain neighborhood, I can make better use of (shared) resources.
c) Faster and Cheaper Modes of Movement
From Transportation & Accommodation: "I have covered long distances walking and cycling. Walking turned out to be massively inefficient, dull and time-consuming. Running is better option for distances less than fifty kilometers but its hard to run even with a small luggage. Last year I cycled around the island covering most of its periphery."
- Design Better Luggage: Another application of Industrial Design and Product Design.
d) Exploring Art and Space
Interactions in a society are typically a reflection of personal experiences whereas works of art can transcend personal experiences.
- [Include steps for further exploration of art and space]
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